two months

Well, two and a half months...sorry!

My girl is growing like a weed! At her two month appointment she weighed 10 pounds 7.5 ounces (22nd percentile) and was 23 1/4" long (77th percentile). Her head was 14 3/4" (21st percentile). Basically we have a long lean baby! Who would have thought that my 5' tall self would produce that? I have NO doubts that she will slow down in the height department soon ;)

She also decided that July 4th was a great day to start sleeping through the night! It also may have something to do with the miracle blanket...but I don't care how it happened just that it did! She has only gotten up around 5 twice since then, once for a storm and once while we were in a hotel (more on that later). My girl LOVES her sleep.

She is still very, very happy. She smiles all the time and has just barely started to laugh. I'm pretty sure it's the cutest sound that has ever been made, but then again I'm a little partial. Breastfeeding is still awesome. Cloth diapers are going great too!

7:30/8 - wake up (SO HAPPY), eat
8:30 - nap
10:30 - wake up, eat
11:30 - nap
1:30 - wake up, eat
2:30 - nap
4:30 - wake up, eat
5:30 - cat nap (like 45 minutes or so either on me, in the swing, in the car, etc.)
7 - bath!
7:30 - eat
8 - bed
10:30 - eat (dreamfeed, she barely wakes up)
11 - bed

She can be off her schedule by an hour and still does great. She is super flexible, which is great for me!

I could talk about her all day long, so I'll stop now ;) Here is her two month photo!

oh how pinteresting (take 2)

Yeah, it's been a while. Let's not dwell on it ;)

Ok, remember my obsession with Pinterest? Yup, still got it. And so do almost all of my friends. It's a repinning bonanza on a daily basis! Taylor had a great idea, then Jenn stole, and I'm following suit. So check theirs out here and here.

Now here are my favorite (to date) Pinterest recipes!

Buffalo Chicken Dip

I'm pretty sure this is the first one I tried...not healthy and super delicious! Also, easy peasy. Gets an A+ in my book!

Stuffed Peppers

Also one of the first recipes I have tried and it was super good. Eric liked them, which is a plus for my normally non-veggie husband. 

Crock Pot Italian Chicken

LOVE this one! Super simple. I love anything in a crock pot. I've made this a bunch since I always have the ingredients on hand. 

Monterey Chicken

I always love new ways to cook chicken breasts, and this is cheap and easy and delish. We will be making this one again soon!

Spinach and Artichoke Baked Pasta

Hands down, my fave. I love spinach and artichoke anything, but combine it with pasta and it's win-win! Make it, eat it, love it.

So what are your Pinterest faves?

one month

My sweet baby is a month old. Insert gaspingohmygoodnesshowdidthathappenwheredidthetimego here.

She is an absolute joy and a very, very happy baby. I am at the tip of the iceburg in discovering just how blessed I am. Now, I am not turning this blog into a "mommy blog," not that there is anything wrong with mommy just isn't me. I have a baby book and a calendar to record all of her precious moments, but once a month I'll post an Ella update. (I know my stalkers family/friends that are far away like to keep up!)

She is on a schedule! I mean my plan all along has been to incorporate the BabyWise techniques to eventually get her on one, but man it happened way faster than I imagined (HUGE thanks to my dear friends Amy and Taylor for putting up with my insane questions and phone calls and text messages...).

We start our day at 7AM and follow the eat/play/sleep routine every three hours, which means she eats at 10AM, 1PM, 4PM, 7PM, and 10PM. At the last feeding we let her sleep for as long as she wants, which has been pretty consistent between 3-4AM. Yes, I told you I was blessed. That's the only feeding I don't have to wake her for...all of the rest I have to wake that girl up! She likes her sleep ;)

I am exclusively breastfeeding, which has been a breeze honestly. I was super stressed at first because she wasn't eating the recommended 15 minutes on each side, but I let go of all of that when at her 2 week appointment she had not only regained her birth weight, but then some! My girl is just efficient. She finishes a full meal in 15-20 minutes total.

She smiles all the time, mornings are her favorite. She loves to take a bath, so we do one almost every night (but we only use soap once a week or so). Her hair is starting to fall out, so it will be exciting to see if it comes back blonde or dark! Her eyes are still a gray-ish color, we will see how long it takes for them to change! She loves to listen to her daddy play guitar, go on walks, and generally be out and about. Unless it's after 5, then home is best!

Here is Miss Ella, cute as she can be!

So blessed.
So thankful.
So grateful.
So humbled.


This is the story of how Ella got her name.

Elizabeth "Ella" Ruth

As you know, we named our first baby Ellis, whom we lost way too soon. Her name means "My God is the Lord" in Hebrew. We wanted to remind ourselves that no matter what, God was God, the author and perfecter. Ella means "bright light", which is how we felt about our rainbow baby. She was the light at the end of a dark tunnel. We also loved the fact that our two babies names are so similar. We wouldn't have Ella if we had Ellis, so they are very much connected for us in the most bittersweet way.

Eric has an Aunt Mary Ella who is very special to us. Ella was partly named for her as well. I was a nanny for a family for twelve years (They were basically my second family. Those kids are more like siblings to me) and the youngest who was my favorite was Ella.

Elizabeth was chosen for multiple reasons. I was baptized in the Greek Orthodox church when I was a baby and was given the middle name (a second middle name) Elizabeth. Also, Eric and I have clung to Elizabeth and Samuel's story in the bible.

Eric chose Ruth. We both love Ruth's story and we hope and pray that Ella grows up and exemplifies a lot of her qualities.

Still feeling very, very blessed. I stare at my little girl for hours not fully believing that she has been entrusted to me. Thank you, LORD.

elizabeth ruth - ella

She's here and I can't believe I even HAVE a birth story to share!

On Monday the 14th I went to work for my very last day. Monday night I said "Ok baby girl, anytime now is great!" Well, my baby is a good listener :)

We laid down to go to be around 11:30. We kind of talked for a few minutes and then I heard a popping sound coming from below, accompanied by a swift kick. I asked Eric if he heard it and he said no. I was fairly sure it was my water breaking, but I was afraid so I didn't move! That was at 12:15. Finally I rolled over and knew right away it was time! Eric jumped out of bed like lightening when I calmly told him it was time ;)

I got up and went to the bathroom to confirm, and called my doula. She didn't answer so I left a message. Long story short, she never got my message and therefore was not at our birth! Kind of crazy. My plan was to use the Bradley Method technique along with the doula to have a natural birth. But when I didn't have a chance to experience small contractions leading up to the big ones, that plan changed fast. My contractions started about 10 minutes after my water broke and they were intense. I couldn't breathe or walk. Eric was still trying to pack the rest of our bag (since we had started but never finished) and get us out the door.

We got to the hospital around 1AM and after answering a bunch of ridiculous questions for what felt like forever we finally got upstairs to our room. The nurse had all kinds of trouble with the computer and the monitor. They told me who was on call for my doctor and that she would probably deliver me since my doctor didn't come in until the morning. I calmly informed them that if they called my doctor that he would indeed come in. They seemed skeptical, but they called him and guess what? He came in a few hours later. He had promised me from day one that he would be there no matter what! I love that man.

I was at 5 cm before I got the epidural. I have never been so sure of anything in my life as wanting that epi! It was wonderful. I was able to relax, enjoy my labor, and even get some sleep. I progressed about a cm an hour and by 12PM on the 15th I was ready to push (although I stayed at 9.5 cm for FOREVER). Pushing was so much fun, honestly! I had the best time. I pushed for about 40 minutes.

Ella was born at 12:41 PM at 6 lbs 5 oz and 19 1/4" long. The moment she was placed on me Eric and I both lost it completely. I relive that moment in my head every day. Absolute best day of my life, besides the day I gave my life to Christ.

We are so grateful to God for allowing us to experience this pregnancy, birth, and parenting of this little girl. I have never realized more how our lives are not our own. This baby is not mine, she is all God's.

I'll be back soon with the story of her name!

the most bittersweet day

Today is Mother's Day.

When we hear this phrase, every woman in the world immediately conjures up some image in their mind. For most, it is of their own mother and they are probably very happy memories.

There are also those who never knew their mother.
Those whose mother is no longer here on earth.
Adoptive parents who have a dichotomy of emotions while looking at their blessings.
Parents who have been paper pregnant for too long, or those with failed placements.
Women who have desired children for years and have not been able.
Grieving mothers who have lost children in pregnancy, infancy, or beyond.
Mother's of embryos still frozen and waiting for a chance at life.
Mother's of children who have walked far from the Lord.

Today, I feel more emotional than I have in a long time. I love my mom. I have written about her before. Though our relationship hasn't always been easy, it's always been there. I know I take her for granted a lot.

I am heartbroken for my dad. This is the first Mother's Day since his mom (my Tata) passed away. She was an absolutely incredible mother. She exemplified a mother's love in more facets than we realized until she was gone.

I am also grieving with and for my precious HP sisters. This day is so painful for the ladies that are still waiting. This day screams "not for you!" but for those who are "blessed." I know, I have been there for the last four years. Today was the first day I was able to go to church on Mother's Day in three years.

I am grieving for and with all of my friends who have miscarried or still births. It is so hard to know you are a mother, even though the world doesn't really recognize you as one because your child resides in Heaven and not on earth.

Especially heavy on my heart are the women who did have a living, breathing child who was taken from them after birth. I literally cannot fathom that type of pain.

I guess my point here is yes, Mother's Day is a day to celebrate. I don't want to take anything away from moms. God has definitely given mothers a difficult and mostly thankless job, so one day out of a year to honor what our mother's have sacrificed is not a bad thing. Most people don't even think about rubbing salt in wounds on this day because many times those wounds are well hidden.

Today is bittersweet. Today by the world's standards I am a mother (though baby girl has yet to make her grand entrance). Last year I was a mother by God's standards. For years before that my greatest desire was to become a mother.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well
  My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand —
    when I awake, I am still with you.

what a year can bring

It's my birthday.

Last year on this day...

I turned 26, still nestled safely within the "mid-twenties" range.
27? that's late twenties no matter how you slice it ;)

I ate at my absolute favorite restaurant, The Village Grill. It's kind of a birthday tradition I started for myself.

I was still carrying Ellis, though not many knew. I went to the hospital on my birthday to have blood drawn. The nurse who did it cried when she saw what the day was for me. I was too numb to care. Three days later, I had the D&C and started the real grieving process.

The day before my birthday I was also at the hospital, this time to see my sweet friend Jenn's new baby girl.

The day after my birthday I celebrated my littlest nephew's first birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAYCE!!!)

Last year on my birthday I was the angriest I've ever been at God. I ashamed to say that I have been angry at the one who holds me in the palm of his hand, but I was nonetheless.

What the Lord can do in a year. The forgiveness of my sins, the cleansing of my spirit, the renewal of my faith time and time again. An unforgettable trip to Costa Rica. A peace about growing our family in whatever way he chose for us. A church that stood by us. Friends and family that loved us at our ugliest. A marriage that stood the test of loss, and came out stronger.

And of course, as I sit here typing with my gargantuan sized belly, the sweet blessing of a little girl soon to make her self known to this world.

"So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten..." - Joel 2:25

What a year can bring. Thank you, Lord.


Today is 35 weeks 3 days. That means roughly 4 or 5 weeks left until I am holding my baby girl in my arms instead of my womb.

That is the single most scary and awesome thought in the entire universe.

My belly has exploded in the last week, I'm pretty sure. I don't know how I can possibly get any bigger, but I am assured by all my friends/family that I will. Thanks guys. ;)

Baby Girl gets hiccups. A lot. It always makes me laugh because she HATES them! It's funny how I can tell this about her already, but when she gets them, she starts going insane. She is pretty active most of time anyway, but add hiccups in and there is a whole lot of stretching and rolling and kicking going on.

She also has set up camp on my gallbladder, without much desire to move. Thankfully, this hasn't affected my liver or gallbladder in how they function, just in how they feel. Which is sore. A lot. But it's ok, not too much longer now.

I'm still sleeping pretty well. I have to turn over a lot during the night and I get up to go to the bathroom once, if at all. Oh, and I get dizzy! I was super concerned at first...and my OB got to see it first hand when he laid the table back to measure my belly. It was pretty immediate and he had me turn on my left side and it subsided. But, it's all normal. I mean as normal as pregnancy gets anyway.

Still overwhelmed with this blessing.
Still in awe of all God has brought us through.
Still humbled to be trusted with this little life.

And still trying to be still, and know that He is God.

he has risen!

"He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay." - Matthew 28:6


Lately this is how I have been feeling...selfish. My heart breaks for things like the orphan, the poverty-stricken third worlds, the millions of children in foster care. But my heart does not break for many of those around me. It's hard for me to empathize with people who have food and roof over their head and someone who loves them...but Jesus cares. And he commands me to as well. This is my prayer today, Lord. Break my heart for what breaks yours.

Prayer of a Selfish Soul

Lord, I have been everything except what I should.
I have fought for my own way over yours,
And I have done nothing but fall short.
I am here for the sole purpose
Of requesting Your mercy once again.
I have chased my own dreams
And burned my own way
Through this busted world to no avail.
I have been a stubborn fool
Who only cares about what he can accomplish
And who he can impress.
I feel as though I am nothing—
A jester of chance that is completely unworthy
Of everything You are.
I have come to the broken realization
That without You, I am nothing, my God.
I need you in every part of my life.
Without you directing my steps,
I do nothing but wander the days and nights
Of a desperate world
That is rife with disappointment and failure.
But with You, there is joy and there is love.
With You, I am everything I should be,
Everything I am capable of being.
I have been a selfish soul.
I am here, on my battered knees,
Whispering my hallelujahs
And begging for forgiveness from You—
A forgiveness that I am forever in need of.
Forgive me, sweet Lord.
Make me what I need to be.
Let my tattered heart burn for You as it should.
I relent everything I am to You.
I hand over every part of my withered life
So that You may do with me as You see fit.
Use me, so that I may be proof to a dying world
That there is a God of mercy and unconquered love.
Clean my selfish soul.
Take everything that is not of You
And make me whole once again.
I am here, God.
I have made the final choice
To quit my dashing about
And be still in your ever pure ways.
In your perfect will, let it be so.

-Cory Copeland

boat song


If you were a boat, my darling
A boat, my darling
I'd be the wind at your back
If you were afraid, my darling
Afraid, my darling
I'd be the courage you lack

If you were a bird, then I'd be a tree
And you would come home, my darling, to me
If you were asleep, then I'd be a dream
Wherever you are, that's where my heart will be

Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

If you were the ocean, I'd be the sand
If you were a song, I'd be the band
If you were the stars, then I'd be the moon
A light in the dark, my darling, for you

Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?
Oh, do you know we belong together?
Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

- JJ Heller


The precious women of my church threw a baby shower for me. I was so nervous the night before I literally slept for 3 hours and spent the rest of the time praying. You see, for a long time baby showers were nothing more than a source of pain for me. There isn't much worse for an infertile woman than being surrounded by other women, who most likely have had children, talking all about the miracle of pregnancy.

I am not now, nor have I ever been, bitter or jealous towards my friends' blessings. I mean that sincerely. I think baby showers are absolutely wonderful and essential not only for material things but also for support and encouragement. But it is very hard to be there. I make myself do a lot of things that many other infertile women would not or could not do. I love to babysit my friends children. I love serving on the children's ministry team at church. I love to meet new babies in the hospital. In fact, there are only two instances I can think of in my whole journey that I chose to protect my heart instead of subject myself to hours of tears later: Mother's Day and baby showers.

To say that attending a baby shower for myself was surreal is an understatement. However, I was so so so blessed. Blessed by the amount of women who love me and our baby enough to come. Blessed by the sheer amount of things our baby girl got! But mostly blessed that I was able to share a small part of our testimony. For those that weren't there, I'd like to share it now here.

For those of you who don't know me or Eric well, pregnancy was not something we ever thought we would experience. We spent a very long time praying that God would bless us the way he had Hannah, Sarah, and so many other barren women in the Bible. 

After a while God really began to change the desire of our hearts - instead of praying for a pregnancy, we began instead to pray for parenthood. God softened our hearts toward adoption and we began the journey to become licensed foster parents. After a year and a half we were literally no closer to the end of that road than when we had started. It was a painful and heart-wrenching decision to end that time without bringing home a single child.

A month after we ended that pursuit, we discovered I was pregnant. In three years we had never seen a positive pregnancy test (in fact I was sure they didn't exist and joked with Eric that it was the one test I couldn't pass!) We were deliriously excited and naively hopeful. We didn't realize how badly we wanted to experience pregnancy until it actually happened. 

Our first baby was only with us a few short weeks, but I'll never forget the impact she made on our lives. One day when I hug Jesus, I will get to hug her too. 

As if waiting for years wasn't enough, losing our first baby felt like too much to bear. We didn't understand what God was doing, nor could we see the light on our path. However, we trusted the Lord. It wasn't easy and we were confused, but God had been right there with us on our whole journey, why would he turn his back on us now? I clung to the verse in Psalm stating "the LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Exactly seven months to the day later, God once again blessed us with a pregnancy. We felt the same unimaginable joy, followed quickly by much anxiety - pregnancy after loss is filled with mixed emotions. 

I am now 30 weeks, a milestone I never let myself imagine I could get to. There are many couples out there with similar or even more heartbreaking stories. I am not sharing this with you for sympathy or to prove anything about "perseverance."  I am sharing our story because above all other things, we want God to get the glory! Our individual relationships with Christ have grown exponentially during the last four years. Our marriage is stronger and more rooted in Christ than it ever could have been without our experiences. We want nothing more than to be a living embodiment of God giving us "beauty from ashes, gladness instead of mourning, and a spirit of praise instead of despair."

God is faithful.

and she's back

Wow, I just realized I took a month long impromptu hiatus from blogging! Needless to say, life is busy. I like busy though, I tend to be more productive. If I have nothing to do for several days I tend to do just that - nothing.

When I'm busy I am more on top of housework and laundry and cooking, is anyone else like that? So weird. Anyway, I have had a few emails asking about pregnancy updates so here goes:

I am 30 weeks and 2 days. Baby girl is still very much a ninja! Although she has more periods of time where she is restful now. I failed my one hour glucose test miserably! That of course meant the lovely three hour test. I had done it before, when I was diagnosed with insulin resistance a few years ago. SO.NOT.FUN.

Plus there was the added stress of failing it too. I was absolutely positive that I would. Which meant I had gestational diabetes, which meant a big baby, which meant a possible early delivery...and so on and so on...

I asked for prayer from my small group and my HP girls, and I truly believe God heard and answered because I PASSED! Praise GOD!!!

The nursery is coming along (yes, I'll post about it soon, but probably when it's mostly complete) and we have one shower under our belts now. I'll post about it tomorrow most likely.

I start going every other week to my OB now. I told him he is going to get sick of me but he said this is the fun part! Have I told you how much I love him and his practice? It's a lot. Amy and Taylor have both used him and also loved him, so I know I'm in good hands.

Sometimes Eric and I have moments of reality. One of them came on the car ride home from the shower. We were discussing the gifts and I mentioned that we got a few packs of diapers. And then we both realized that we are going to have an actual baby, who needs to use diapers. I mean it isn't like this is news to us, but it kind of hit us like a ton of bricks!

The other moment came that evening when we were watching Parenthood (thank you Taylor for that new addiction!) and there was a scene where a couple gets engaged. I looked at Eric and said "She's going to get married one day." And then he got teary so I got teary and we just had to stop talking about it.

I guess all of this was just to say that we still feel very very blessed. And like this is all very surreal. And awesome. And terrifying. And incredible.

Holy 10 weeks left Batman.

like clay

Sometimes I come here with no thoughts to put down, and other times I am bubbling over with ideas in my head that are trying to get is the latter.

I'm thinking about how much of a sinner I am
But also how I'll go days without admitting any of my sins to myself or God.
I'm thinking about my one word: serve
And how I'm failing miserably at it most of the time.
I'm praying about finances
But also relying on God to provide for us as he always has before.
I'm enjoying feeling my little girl make her presence know as I type
But worrying about what life will be like once she is here.
I'm questioning God's timing on adoption
But trusting that he knows better than me.
I'm feeling consumed by thoughts like "Are we doing enough for the Kingdom of God?"
And I know the answer is no, we can always do more!

The last one is the hardest for me. I constantly ask God, what do you expect from us? Are we fulfilling your plan for our lives today? I know my salvation isn't based on works, that isn't what I'm getting at. What I want is for my life to reflect Jesus in every.single.thing I do, and I am so not even close to that.

I think I am railing against becoming complacent.

I don't ever want to be satisfied in my own life to the point where I forget about others.

I see that becoming very easy for me. I am not a selfless person by nature. I tend to be very inward and mememe oriented, it's my flesh. These thoughts are probably more on my mind now that I am preparing to enter into another season of life. It's one that I have wanted for a very very long time, but it also scares me.

Motherhood. I am over the moon excited to be a mom. I am also crazy terrified. I am not scared of the sleeplessness, the amount of time and energy devoted to this little girl, the lack of one on one with my husband, or any of the other things that come with that territory. No, I may not be prepared for all of it, but I am ready.

What I am scared of is losing myself in a world of diapers and playdates and being just ok with that. I don't want to be ok with not serving others. I don't want to be fine with pulling back from people.

Lord, I pray that you would give me balance in the coming season. I pray that you would give me the strength to serve both my husband and my daughter, but also the desire to continue to grow your Kingdom. God I know that I honor you with my actions in my family, but I also know how easy it could be for me to stay in my comfort zone. Stretch me, use me, mold me to look more like Christ - no matter the season I am in.

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.  Then the word of the LORD came to me. He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel. - Jeremiah 18:1-6

v day

No, not Valentine's Day. Viability day.

Friday marked my 24th week of pregnancy, which means that our baby has a really good (ie: about 70%) chance of surviving outside the womb, should she be born early. Anyone in pregnancy land will tell you that this is a big deal day, but coming from pregnancy after loss...let's just say it's huge.

I definitely do not want to meet this girl any earlier than May, but today I praise God that my chance to mother her on earth has risen exponentially. My chance to watch my husband hold her and spoil her has greatly increased.

I know every breath I take is a sweet gift from God, but I have never been more aware of that fact than I am today.

So blessed.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.- Psalm 139:13-14

i miss costa rica

It's been hitting me hard for a while now.

When we first started going to Costa Rica a few years ago, we didn't know just how much of our hearts it would steal and keep. When we had finally settled into the thought of never getting pregnant, we just assumed Costa Rica would continue to be a part of our lives. Even when we decided adoption was our path, we knew we'd be getting older children and they would be perfectly fine at the grandparents for a week while we were there. When we lost our first baby, Costa Rica was the balm to my heart that only God could have provided.

Not going to Costa Rica has never seemed like an option before. Like I have said so many times before, please don't take this like I am ungrateful for this pregnancy. However, overseas missions seemed like our future (we have seriously discussed becoming missionaries in a Central American country) or at least something that we would continue to pursue.

I know I'll go back one day. But today, when it is rainy in my town, I wish that rain was hitting my face on the mountain of Grano de Oro.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" - Ecclesiastes 3:1


I figured it was time for a pregnancy update. I won't bore you with a ton of info you either know/don't care about/could look up yourself. Here is a little bit about what we are experiencing right now.

I am 22 weeks and 1 day today. My appetite has finally seemed to come back, praise God. I was really worried for a while that I wasn't being the best mother I could be because I never felt like eating. I forced food into my mouth for many, many weeks. (I have never had an issue like that before, ha!)

I felt her kick for the first time at exactly 18 weeks. I saw her kick at exactly 19 weeks, and Eric felt her/saw her at exactly 20 weeks. People said that once you start to feel the baby move, you shouldn't expect to feel it consistently. Um, not so in my little ninja's case! I have felt her everyday several times a day for the last 4 weeks. And I love every minute of it. I seriously could lay on the couch for hours talking to her and feeling her move. I am still in awe of this blessing.

Baby girl is almost a pound and somewhere around 8 inches long...although if she takes after us she probably isn't going to be making it onto the WMBA ;)

We have picked a name, and no we aren't sharing! Seriously though it's like an unspoken pact between Eric and I, we never say her name out loud! I think it in my head but when we refer to her it's always a nickname. I don't think either of us can do it because then it feels TOO real, too good to be true.

I'm still overwhelmed by starting a registry and decorating the nursery. Yup.

As much as I want to meet this little life that has taken up residence in my body, I so don't want pregnancy to end. (Please don't insert commentary like "just wait a few months, you'll be ready!" Love ya, but that's not where I'm at.)

Lots and lots of friends and family talk to our girl, which is so incredibly sweet. I am definitely not the first priority anymore and I am so ok with that. If people want to greet my baby and then me, it's alright with me! I should get used to it now anyway, according to my mama friends.

Well, that was a lot more random than I intended! A brain dump was needed I guess.

God has been so good to us, we literally have nothing to complain about. Through this pregnancy God is teaching me patience with myself. He is teaching me so much more about being thankful. Mostly he is teaching me complete and total dependence on him. God you are good, through the calm and through the storm.

my one word

My One Word is a movement that has been around since 2007 (I think) that gets rid of all the New Years resolutions that we never keep, and has us focus on one word for the entire year.

I took some time to pray about my word, and the one that I believe God has laid on my heart is serve.

I want to serve God more in 2012.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. - Romans 12:11

 I want to serve my husband more in 2012.
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ - Acts 20:35

I want to serve my church more in 2012.
But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. - 1 Corinthians 12:24-26

I want to serve my community more in 2012.
For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  - Galatians 5:13-14

What's your one word?