what if?

I want to preface this video by saying Eric and I are not currently in this place, but there are many couples that are. Infertility is a real disease and it is one of the most taboo subjects I have ever experienced. This video just sheds a little light on how couples experiencing infertility (of any kind) feel. These are the kind of thoughts that run through their heads on a daily basis. Now that we are on the journey to adoption, the pain of infertility hasn't disappeared, it has just been put on the back burner. I am sharing this video to advocate for those in which it is still too painful to talk about.

***Warning: Some content may make you uncomfortable***


What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

I just found this video on You Tube, which is strange because Lyndsie at A Love Worth Waiting For just posted it as well. Again, I am not saying that this video is representative of where Eric and I are now, but it does represent the majority of those dealing with infertility and loss.

memorial box monday - nightmares

It's time for another MBM with Linny at A Place Called Simplicity!

click here to learn about mbm

This week's story is pretty short and sweet, proving that God takes care of even the smallest needs. When I was 5 years old my parents were divorced and my dad moved out. I started having nightmares very shortly after. Mostly they were about people breaking in to our house, kidnapping me or my siblings or my mom. I also had the same reoccurring dream that I was standing at the top of a flight of stairs when I am pushed from behind. I fall and fall and fall and then just when I am about to hit bottom I wake up, terrified.

I hated going to bed because I knew it would only be a few hours before I woke up, paralyzed with fear. When I say paralyzed, I mean it. Fear would grip me so tight that even when I tried my hardest to call out in the night for my mom, no words would come. I couldn't move, I could hardly breathe. This went on for years, and though I may have mentioned them in passing to my mom or grandmother, I don't think they ever understood the severity of what I was going through.

When I was 12 years old I accepted Christ and made him Lord of my life. I learned that God cared deeply about me and everything I was going through. That night I started praying a prayer that I still repeat today. It's the Lord's Prayer, but I added my own ending that goes like this:

"and please protect me, my family, and my friends and help us to have nothing but good dreams tonight."

Simple, honest words from the heart of a 12 year old.

About a month later, God took away my nightmares.

Now I am not saying I never have bad dreams (I do, but it is rare.), but I have never since then experienced the crippling fear of those nightmares. You may be thinking "why in the world does she still say this prayer then?" Well, it isn't because I believe if I stop saying it my nightmares will return. No, it is more of a testament or thank you to God. It is a way I remember what he has done for me in my life.

Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!

So in my memorial box goes a copy of the Lord's Prayer, with my little ending.

great grub 28

I'm on a roll with the I-haven't-talked-about-this-in-a-while posts (there go those dashes again!) so I thought I'd keep it going with another great grub. This is an old recipe passed down from my grandmother (Grammy). Actually it was started by her friend, who we called Flo. Anyway, that is enough random info about this delicious recipe. I will warn you, this is a labor intensive process. It isn't hard work, but it takes a long time. I PROMISE it is worth it!

Grammy's (Flo's) Baked Stuffed Shrimp

Ingredients:
- 1 lb. uncooked shrimp
- 1/4 cup milk
- 1 egg
- 1/2 cup bread crumbs
- 1/2 tsp. paprika

- 1 (or 2) cans crab meat
- 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
- 1/4 tsp. salt
- 1/8 tsp. pepper
- 1 tsp. Tabasco sauce
- 1 tsp. mustard
- 1 tbsp. mayonnaise
- 2 slices bread (crust removed and cubed)

- 1 medium onion, minced
- 1/2 bell pepper, minced
- 2 tbsp. butter

Directions:
Peel uncooked shrimp, leaving tail on. Split shrimp butterfly fashion. Combine bread crumbs and paprika. Dip in milk and egg, then in crumb mixture.

Mix crab meat, Worcesterhire sauce, salt, pepper, Tobasco, mustard, mayo, and bread crumbs.

Saute onion and green pepper in butter. Add to crab meat mixture. Stuff shrimp, tail-side up. Place on a greased baking pan or cookie sheet.

Bake at 400 degrees until browned, 15-20 minutes.

Enjoy!!!

ps - I can't believe I just made these and forgot to take a picture...so I stole one of the internet that looks veeeery similar. Don't tell on me.

my steal of a deal

When I started this blog a year and a half ago (my blog is almost a toddler?!) one of my intentions was to blog about the progress we were making on our house. You see, we have only been in our sweet little 70s brick rancher for about two and a half years now. Since you see I gratuitously added "70s" into my description, you can tell the house has needed what we like to call "updating" (also known as ripping out the ugly).

However, in that time I have only shown you one major update, and I didn't even show you the final result. My bad. Here is our finished wall (just a year and a half late...) By the way, this project only cost us $75 and we had a $50 Lowes gift card so $25 smackeroos to add what feels like 1000 more square feet of openess!

Ignore the ugly chairs, I do plan on recovering them in a lovely white cotton duck fabric...eventually.


Now for a little home decor. See all that lovely expanse of linoleum in our dining room? Yeah, I hate it. Our plan is to put tongue-and-groove wood flooring down eventually (read: years from now) but until then I have been on the search for an area rug to break up that ugly mass. We are talking years of my time invested in finding the perfect balance of rug-I can't-live-without to money-I-can-justify-spending. (Sorry for the overuse of dashes there.) I finally finally found one that I liked at Big Lots! There were only two left and neither of them had price tags. All the other rugs around them were between $50-$75 though, which is fabulous for a 5'x7', no? But I chickened out and went home rug-less.

I called my friend Taylor and explained the whole situation in detail and she did just what I needed her to do: convince me it was the rug for me. Or at least to buy it, try it, then bring it back if it stinks. So I marched myself back to the store, grabbed one of the two remaining, and went to the cash register. While I was standing there I noticed a small tag on the rug that displayed this magic number: $35. Heck yeah! Ring that puppy up! So he did, and do you want to know what it said?

Sit down now if you aren't.

It said $10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, you read that right. I made some joke about the Big Lots police knocking on my door later that day demanding their $25 difference and then high-tailed it outta there!

So here is my chocolate brown and cream herringbone 5'x7' gem of a dining room rug in action:


And here is your close up:



So there you have it, post numero dos on home reno/home decor. Maybe the next one won't be a when my blog enters the teenage years...

starry night

I'm giving my life to the only one, who makes the moon reflect the sun.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come.

well, it's something

I guess this is kind of a boring update. I'm sorry! Truly I started writing this blog just to get my thoughts down somewhere, and it has morphed into a place I can talk/celebrate/vent about all this adoption stuff too. I really love all my stalkers readers though, don't get me wrong! Blogging wouldn't be the same without you guys. Don't leave me because of this very boring post, ok?

I'll be back next time with a way more interesting update...I hope. And no, I have not heard from our case worker yet. I will be calling her next week. I do know that our paperwork got there because I tracked that sucker on usps.com! (Yes, I paid for the delivery confirmation.)

Here is what we have accomplished so far! I will actually be back soon with another list, not one that is mandatory, but one that I think will help our cause during the homestudy. You will see.

Fire Inspection
- smoke alarms installed:
          - on the ceiling or wall outside of each separate sleeping area in the immediate vicinity of bedrooms
          - in each room used for sleeping purposes
          - in each story within a dwelling unit
- fire extinguisher shall be located in the cooking area mounted on a wall in an accessible location and not obscured from view
- each facility housing foster children shall have two independent means of escape
- a fire plan describing what actions are to be taken by the family in the even of a fire must be developed, posted, and copies made available to the local fire department noting the location of all crib infants
          - notation of two ways out, meeting place, locations of fire extinguishers, and smoke alarms to be noted on plan
- fire drill conducted every 3 months, save records
- resident bedrooms shall have emergency egress openings with:
          - window/door with minimum net clear opening of 5 square feet for ground level with dimensions 24"x20", bottom of opening is not to be greater than 44" measure from floor
- exit hallways/access/doors are not blocked
- no gasoline or gasoline appliances stored in or under home
- dryer vents not clogged or crushed
- electrical blanks kept in receptacles at all times
- keep 3 foot clearance from all electrical/mechanical equipment
- windows operational

*There are many, many specifics that I am leaving out, but you get the general idea.

DHEC Inspection (SC Department of Health and Environmental Control)
- all pets must have vaccinations up to date with a copy of shot record available (they need their yearly's)
- refridgerator must have thermometer to ensure that temperature is 42 degrees or cooler
- hot water heater is set no higher than 120 degrees
- well water will be check for contamination (We don't have a well!)
- all chemicals, toxic substances, or medicines must be in a locked cabinet or out of reach of small children 
- refuse storage and disposal will be check (city trash pick up, taking trash to county disposal center, burning, etc. ) (We have city!)
- disposal of waste water will be checked (city sewer or septic tank) (We have city!)
- microwaves will be checked for leakage (how is this even possible?)
- lead paint testing (getting the kit from Lowes)

I was recently informed by a fellow blogger/foster parent that we may need to get a carbon monoxide detector as well, so add that to the list!

See you around: same bat-time, same bat-channel.  

anxious heart


"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."
Proverbs 12:25

have they eaten today?

So a disturbing thought has recently started taking up residence in my brain. I really try hard to put it out of my mind, or I just stop whatever I am doing and pray. It started about a week after we turned in our paperwork. 

I was sitting in my car waiting for a red light to change and I started imagining my kids. (I realized that based on the fact that we will take a child(ren) up to age 3, they are already walking this earth and not growing in their birth mother's belly, most likely.) I do this a lot, I am not sure why? Every time I imagine them I see specifics. There are always two of them (we said we would take a sibling group), opposite sexes, and they are either black or mixed (very likely based on the statistics of kids in foster care in SC). Now I don't think this is necessarily a "vision from God" or anything, I don't read much into at all, I just picture it like that. A tangible way to experience my kids. Anyway, I was daydreaming about my future children when the thought entered my mind:

"I hope they have eaten today."

Well one thought is all it took for my mind to run rampant with all the possibilities...

"Did they eat today?"
"Did someone hug them?"
"Are they being loved?"
"Are they cold/hot?"
"What did they see or experience in their little lives today?"

And then I started to break down, thinking of all the hurts that they could experience in just one day. Everyday that I was not with them was another day they could be hurt. I was crying and praying when the worst thought entered my mind: "They must go through these things before they could ever become yours."

And it's true. DSS would have no reason to take a perfectly happy, non-abused child from his/her home. No, we will be getting what most people consider "damaged goods." My child(ren) will suffer in some way, shape, or form before they ever step foot in my house. It could have happened today. It could happen again tomorrow. It could continue right up until the day DSS decides enough is enough.

And that is the day we will get our phone call.

Please join me in prayer for protection of these precious children. Not only the ones God has ordained to be ours, but all of those in or destined to be in foster care one day.

like dandelion dust

Do you know who Karen Kingsbury is? Well you should. She is a Christian author, and she is great. Her newest book, Unlocked, looks amazing. Here is the promo video they have put together:



I seriously teared up during this!

What I am really excited about is this: it's the trailer for like dandelion dust, a new movie due out October 12th based on her best-selling novel.



Ok don't read anymore until you have watched it.

Hello! Talk about tugging on the heartstrings of someone in the throes of the foster/adoption front. Yeah, that's excitement you hear oozing from this post! I can't wait to see this, even if it means I have to drive an hour to the closest theatre. I am so there.

a day in the life of...

...Maggie and Nebbie.

I figured since our four-legged babies made it onto my new header, you all might want to know more about them. The easiest way for you to have a birds eye view is to show you a typical day in their life...in pictures. Your welcome.







the new list(s)

Well, we completely checked off our giant to-do list for our paperwork, but that just left us with another to-do list, this time for our homestudy/fire inspection/DHEC inspection. That's ok though, my lists make me feel like I have some sort of control over the whole situation. I know I don't. I know I haven't since the very beginning, that the whole thing has been God-ordained not EricandHeather-ordained. However, to keep myself from going insane from waiting/worrying I need to be busy. Busy doing things that seem productive, and that is where my lists come in.

Now, I don't have any specific guidelines from the DSS office about our homestudy. All I know is what others like me have been through. Thankfully God has placed an abundant amount of people directly into my life who have adopted (many who have adopted through the foster/adopt process with DSS) and they are a wealth of knowledge that I tap into on an almost daily basis.

God is good.

I do have specifics for the fire and DHEC inspections though. Here we go!

Fire Inspection
- smoke alarms installed:
          - on the ceiling or wall outside of each separate sleeping area in the immediate vicinity of bedrooms
          - in each room used for sleeping purposes
          - in each story within a dwelling unit (We are one story, woohoo!)
- fire extinguisher shall be located in the cooking area mounted on a wall in an accessible location and not obscured from view
- each facility housing foster children shall have two independent means of escape
- a fire plan describing what actions are to be taken by the family in the even of a fire must be developed, posted, and copies made available to the local fire department noting the location of all crib infants
          - notation of two ways out, meeting place, locations of fire extinguishers, and smoke alarms to be noted on plan
- fire drill conducted every 3 months, save records
- resident bedrooms shall have emergency egress openings with:
          - window/door with minimum net clear opening of 5 square feet for ground level with dimensions 24"x20", bottom of opening is not to be greater than 44" measure from floor
- exit hallways/access/doors are not blocked
- no gasoline or gasoline appliances stored in or under home
- dryer vents not clogged or crushed
- electrical blanks kept in receptacles at all times
- keep 3 foot clearance from all electrical/mechanical equipment
- windows operational


*There are many, many specifics that I am leaving out, but you get the general idea.

DHEC Inspection (SC Department of Health and Environmental Control)
- all pets must have vaccinations up to date with a copy of shot record available
- refridgerator must have thermometer to ensure that temperature is 42 degrees or cooler
- hot water heater is set no higher than 120 degrees
- well water will be check for contamination (We don't have a well!)
- all chemicals, toxic substances, or medicines must be in a locked cabinet or out of reach of small children
- refuse storage and disposal will be check (city trash pick up, taking trash to county disposal center, burning, etc. ) (We have city!)
- disposal of waste water will be checked (city sewer or septic tank) (We have city!)
- microwaves will be checked for leakage
- lead paint testing

Alright well you get the idea? Yes, we still have our work cut out for us. We have actually tackled some of this stuff already, but I will do the updates in a separate post. Until next time, be in prayer for us!

the one anothers

My Pastor constantly talks about how we should be treating people. In fact, our church is based on the principle: Love God, Love People. And I think it is important enough that I included it on my blog header (permission to scroll up and check granted).

The Bible is chock full of what he (my Pastor) calls "the one anothers." Commandments from God on how we as Christians should treat each other, and those that don't yet know Christ. Here is a little bit about what it says:

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." 
Romans 12:10

"This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another." 
1 John 3:11

"Greet one another with a holy kiss." 
2 Corinthians 13:12

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." 
Ephesians 5:21

"Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." 
1 Peter 4:9

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." 
John 13:35

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." 
Ephesians 4:2

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 
1Thessalonians 5:11

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Hebrews 10:24

There are so so so many more "one anothers" that I haven't mentioned. In fact, if you go to Bible Gatweay and search "one another" you get seven pages (176 verses) containing that phrase. Sixteen of those verses more specifically contain the phrase "love one another."

Anything God decides to include in the Bible 176 times must be pretty darn important in my honest and humble opinion.

a child like me


A CHILD LIKE ME

With saddened eyes and head bent low,
It’s damaged goods most see,
With an unclear past and broken heart,
Who would want a child like me?

I watch you walk into the room,
From a distance I can see,
But dare I take a closer step?
Who would want a child like me?

And then I see you look my way,
You smile so tenderly,
But do I even dare to dream,
You would want a child like me?

And then as if I spoke out loud
You approach me cautiously,
I try so hard to just believe,
She will want a child like me.

But can I once let down my guard,
And trust that she will see,
Hiding beneath this old stained shirt,
Is a beautiful child like me?

My smile they say lights up a room,
I’ll be good as good can be,
“Oh Please Dear God, let her want,
A special child like me.”

I feel her hand reach out for mine,
And within her eyes I see,
A single, tiny, shining tear,
Could she want a child like me?

And when she holds me in her arms,
There’s no place I’d rather be,
For in my heart the truth is clear,
“The child she wants is ME!


Lisa J Schlitt©2007

apart from me


"This is what the LORD says— Israel's King and Redeemer, the LORD Almighty: I am the first and I am the last; apart from me there is no God."- Isaiah 44:6

crazy love prayer challenge

Linny at A Place Called Simplicity posted about some friends of hers that have been in the middle of a very long, hard road to the adoption of their little ones in Africa. She has called her bloggy friends together to write a post specifically designed for those of us in the throes of adoption. Here are the rules:

1. You must be in the midst of an adoption or starting the process.
2. You must write a post explaining the prayer need.
3. You must mention this Crazy Love Prayer Challenge in the post.

Since we have just recently turned in our paperwork for our foster/adoption process, our prayer requests are very simple. Right now this process has been long, but compared to other's horror stories it has not been hard. Emotionally draining at times - yes, painful in ways other's have had to endure - no, not yet. And we really hope it stays that way.

Here are our requests:
  • pray that our homestudy/fire inspection/DHEC inspections will be done soon, done well, and done with the least amount of stress possible
  • pray that once these three items are checked off the list and we officially become a "waiting" family that God will protect our hearts from the fear of the unknown
  • pray for our child(ren), specifically for their safety, and well-being and for the love they may or may not receive before they are placed in our home
  • lastly, pray that the social workers will have the insight and knowledge to place the exact child(ren) that God has created specifically for our family
So here is what I am asking. Head over to Linny's post at some point before Wednesday September 8, 2010 and read all of the posts that have linked up with their specific prayer requests for their adoptions. Linny has called all of us (those adopting and those supporting us) for a day of prayer and fasting on this very day.

Would you join us all in our effort to love the orphan just as God has called us too? To love them the way our Father already does?

indieheaven

I love music.

More specifically, I love Christian music. However, I have kind of grown out of the mainstream Christian music scene. Not completely, don't get me wrong I still name Tenth Avenue North, Matt Maher, and Relient K among my favorite artists. I adore Hillsong for their awesome worhsip music that my church worship team often performs on a weekly basis.

I think my musical inclinations are just asking for more. More than what my local Christian radio station will air. Pandora has been a great source for a few years now. Recently though, I have discovered a website specifically dedicated for you to "discover the other 99% of Christian music." It's called Indieheaven, and you should definitely check it out.

Yes, it has it's fair share of, for lack of a better term, "up and coming" artists. Aka not-so-great EPs and singles, but surf through it long enough and you can discover gems like Sevenfall, Five Smooth Stones, Nathan Clark George, Broken, and (my most recent favorite) Canopy Red.

Who says Christian music has to be boring?
And what's more, who says it has to fall safely within the parameters set by people who give monetarily to Christian radio stations?

Hears to supporting the lesser-known yet still talented Christian artists of today!

the orphan

Today I am encouraging you to follow this link and read Linny's post about adoption. She seems to put into words what I can't usually articulate. Her passion for the orphan surpasses 99.9% of the population. It's worth the read, I promise.

fail

I just came across this doing a google search (no, this isn't even close to what I was really searching for). I won't tell you what I actually typed into google image search, tame as it was, because you just don't want to see that. I'm sparing your eyeballs, you see.

Well, here you go!

hold us together

It won't buy you a house in Beverly Hills...

Matt Maher's "Hold Us Together" talks about the simplest of all concepts: love.
This should really be my anthem, my theme song for doing life.



Here is the story: