what i don't believe in

I want to preface this post by saying I am so, so humbled and thankful for this pregnancy. I love this baby so very much and I wouldn't change any of this crazy ride even if I could. I know God has a reason for every minute detail of our lives, even when we don't understand his motives or timing.

Timing is what I am talking about today. I hadn't told you yet, in fact I had told very few people in real life of our plans. Eric and I decided to start the domestic infant adoption process. We chose an agency, filled out our preliminary paperwork, and scheduled our first meeting. We were also very excited about our new adventure! I have a saved post in drafts that I was writing to tell you all when I took the pregnancy test that changed our lives...again.

Hear me and hear me well, friends. I am NOT advocating the "just adopt and you will get pregnant" movement. Just so you know, that happens to less than 10% of the couples who choose adoption. It's a myth, pure and simple.

The other thing I want you to know...or maybe it's more for myself than anyone else...adoption is still my heart. Eric and I, God-willing, will adopt one day. I still don't know if it will be through foster care, domestic, or international. My heart is for the orphan and that will never change.

I won't lie, I have had moments of disappointment when I think about the fact that we are not able to adopt right now (most agencies, including the one we chose, do not allow adoption until 1 year after a child is born into the family). I am not disappointed that we are pregnant! I am not sad about growing a tiny little life inside of me, please know that. I think I am just struggling with God's timing in it all. We were so at peace and SO excited about adoption and BAM - a completely alternate route.

What I don't believe in: coincidence
What I do believe in: a sovereign God

That's really the heart of the matter, isn't it?

"To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue. All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. The LORD works out everything to its proper end — even the wicked for a day of disaster." - Proverbs 16:1-4


  1. uh....you just wrote exactly how I felt when I got pregnant with Ainsley....happy about her but disappointed in God's timing. It really boiled down to selfishness in my situation. I was really selfish in wanting to spend "fun" years with Robbie alone. However, this has been so much fun as well!

  2. AMEN. Needed a good reminder about God's timing in all things. So true.... :)

  3. i know what you mean, no exactly, but close. i wanted to adopt...instead God gave me something equally as exciting in the very way I had so no to so I could go adopt.

    adoption is always an option, babies that we bare...well, not always an option. we are so fortunate.

  4. You will make a wonderful mom in any way God leads you to be. You will adopt one day, of that I'm sure, because God has placed a passion in your heart for children who need a family.

    I love you and I can't wait to watch your belly grow :)

  5. Love this post and excited to hear more about your growing family! Haven't been around the blogging world for a few months and was pleasantly surprised to see you are expecting! Excited to continue to read more about any which way God leads you to grow your family!

  6. Yep, this makes lots of sense. Praying for your heart and this rollercoaster you have been on, sweet Heather.

  7. Your post spoke a lot of thoughts that I have been having. We've recently told family of our adoption news, and it seems all we get is, "Just you wait, start the adoption process and you'll get pregnant."

    They don't get that I am so in love with this little girl from Ethiopia that isn't even born yet, and a biological baby isn't going to change that. As much as I would love to bear my own child, all I want to focus on is adoption. And, like you, if I do get blessed by a pregnancy, my heart will almost break if I can't complete the adoption process right now.

    Anyways, I completely understand your heart for the orphan AND your love of carrying yours and Eric's biological baby! Waiting, I'm sure we've both got lots of love to give!

    P.S. I love that bible verse!

  8. Funny... God has been speaking "sovereign" to my heart lately too. Even in song. About things I don't understand.

    So thankful that HIS plan is perfect and that He holds our tomorrows.

    And so thankful for your tiny (big) miracle!


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