"So how long have you been married?"
Five years of bliss.
"Oh wow! Do you have any children?"
Not yet. Yes, but he/she is in heaven.
"What do you do?"
I am a math tutor for high school students at Bright and Beautiful Learning Center.
"Why don't you work full time?"
God has put it on mine and my husband's heart for me to work part time right now. Why don't you mind your own and stop giving me that judgmental look?
Awkward silence. Subject change.
It may seem like the worst question for infertile me is the one about children. It's not. I know that one is coming, and even though I feel a strong desire to answer yes to that question sometimes, I know the path of least resistance is a simple "not yet." I'm not technically lying, since I know that in their mind they are really asking the question "Do you have any living children?" even if they don't realize it. No one asks the question expecting me to tell them of my heaven-born baby. So I give them an out before they even know they need it.
No, the hard question is the last one. It's the one I don't often expect coupled with a look of "why would this childless woman only work part time?" As if the only two categories for married women are full time work or full time stay at home mom. My inbetweenness throws them off.
I feel the need to answer the mental questions I can see them asking me in that awkward silence.
Yes, originally I stopped working full time with every intention of becoming a mother. No, two years after quitting my teaching job that still hasn't happened. Also, no, I don't feel like we heard wrongly from God. I fully believe that what I have been doing for the past two years has been exactly God's plan for my life. I could list all the ways my husband and I have been blessed by it. I could list all the opportunities I have had because of my part time status. Just as easily, I could list all the ways people have tried to take advantage of it, or scorned it.
The point is, my identity has nothing to do with people. It has nothing to do with my job, full time or not. It has nothing to do with whether I have seven children or none. My identity is in Christ Jesus. My self-worth comes from the love and forgiveness I have received from Him. My purpose in life is to glorify God in all I do (or don't do, if that is the case.)
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.- 1 Corinthians 10:31
It's so easy to judge someone you have just met. It's even easy to judge someone you have been acquainted with for years, but haven't known. It's not easy to judge when you learn the heart of a person. I'm not saying I have this concept down, I don't. But in the many (painful) lessons the Lord has taught me on this infertility journey, this is one I will cherish most.
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7