Defintion from Merriam-Webster Online
a division into two especially mutually exclusive or contradictory groups or entities

Lately when I think about all the decisions Eric and I have had to make over the last two years, this is the word that has come to mind. We have felt pulled in two distinct directions, both leading to the same place.

When you talk about infertility, there are some things that just come up. It's human nature I guess.

When I say I am adopting, people ask why we didn't pursue ARTs (assisted reproductive technology) further?
When I say we are thinking of ARTs, people ask why we don't just adopt?
When I say we are pursuing domestic adoption, people ask why we don't go international?
When I say we are thinking of China adoptions in the future, people ask why we don't just adopt from our own country?
When I say we have a plan, people say don't run ahead of God.
When I say we have hope, people say don't get them up too high.
When I talk about adoption, I wonder if I am cheating on my nonexistent biological kids.
When I talk about maybe being pregnant one day, I wonder if I am cheating on my not-adopted-yet kids.

No matter what people say or ask or do, someone has an opinion.
And they will share it.
Whether the advice is asked for, or not.

It's just one more thing we have to deal with on this very long, forked road.


  1. Sounds like you need some new friends...I'm just sayin

  2. Heather I can't put myself in your shoes, and I would be lying if I didn't say I'm glad of that. I hate that this road has been so long and bumpy for you and Eric. No one wants to go through tough times and deal with the questions and comments everyone has. Just know that people don't mean any harm, I'm sure. But when you aren't going through that same situation you don't know how one simple question can rattle in someones brain so violently. You keep your plan and you pray on it! You keep those hopes high, as high as our God. You talk about your adoption because it is an amazingly huge deal! You talk about a pregnancy because you never know what God has in store for you! Keep your chin up and lean on God (and Eric) for ALL of your strength through this!

  3. Matthew - no not really, my friends have been awesome and very supportive. I mean people in general.

    Amy - Thank you. You have been nothing but a source of support for me, and for Eric.

  4. I must say it is a tough road that we are traveling right now, but I'm not sure that I would change anything. I do wish it was a little simpler or easier, but I know God is in control of our situation and He has a purpose for our struggles.

  5. I totally understand how you feel. I am feeling the same way as we start to think about alternative ways to start our family. I feel like if we pursue adoption, then I will regret not trying harder for my bio child b/c I didn't give him/her a chance. If we don't adopt, then we miss out on parenthood. It just seems like there are no easy answers, but the rest of the world doesn't understand that. The think they know just how to fix our "problem".


Dear (stalkers) readers,
I love your feedback so feel free to comment away! Just don't write anything too mean because I'll cry when I delete it!
You're boostin' my ego