he would

he would probably gloat when we found out she was a girl 
he would laugh and poke my belly when she kicked him for the first time
he would be drive entirely too fast to the hospital when it was time
he would be brave during labor and braver during delivery
he would hold her for the first time like she was the most breakable thing on the planet
he would love her fiercely

he would pretend to be grossed out the first time she peed on him
he would get up in the middle of the night just to see if she was ok
he would brag the day she could hold her head up on her own
he would be nervous and excited the first time she crawled...then walked...then ran
he would beam from ear to ear the first time she said "daddy"
he would love her unconditionally

he would pick her up and hold her tight every single time she cried
he would get defensive if someone else so much as looked at her cross-eyed
he would kiss her boo-boos
he would tuck her in at night and read stories
he would pray over her and with her and for her and about her
he would love her tenderly

he would worry about her
he would make sure she knew he would always be there
he would take all of her pain and fears away if he could
he would play with her for hours on end
he would teach her guitar one day
he would love her uncontrollably 

he would be a good dad...
and one day, God willing, he will get the chance.


  1. I love this heather! Did you write this??? Beautiful! Thanks for sharing! Enjoying hearing your heart!

  2. Beautiful and heart-wrenching, xo

  3. When did you change your font? It's cool. So, you know this already, but the same poem can be written minus the middle three sentences of the first paragraph. He will...even minus those three sentences...I know my "he" has.
    I cherish you, friend.

  4. Wow. That shoulda come with a cry warning. :tears:

  5. okay, crying now. jeez, heather!!! ;)
    so beautiful...and i know it in my heart that you will get to see eric be all of this more. i just know it.

  6. sorry for the unexpected tears!
    but thank you all for your sweet words...and yes, Gaby, I know it will happen without those first few lines!

  7. Heather - you've just shared the other heartbreaking side of infertility. As if there isn't enough guilt and questioning for yourself, it can get heaped upon you when you desire those wonderful parenting things for your soulmate too.

    There isn't much I can share publicly, but know that you are blessed beyond belief to have a husband who understands and cares and wants to raise children with you.

    I am rejoicing with you over that. That God has made you two of one mind to do His will. And I am praying that He moves - so very soon - to bring those gifts to you.

    So thankful that you are doing His work even as you wait. That He is sowing seeds through you and in you for a harvest for His kingdom. Thankful for the desires that He has placed in your hearts - because He is faithful and loves you madly.

    Thank you for sharing this my friend. I know, and I understand, and I grieve and I hope.


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