Below is an adapted list from Resolve about the myths of infertilty. I worry about posting this because I don't want to hurt your feelings if you are guilty of ever saying these things. Heck, I probably said some of them before our infertility journey started. How will you know if some doesn't educate you? Please, never say these things to someone struggling with trying to conceive.Whether it has been 1 year or 8, words that are meant to help only come across as hurt.
- Infertility is a women's problem.
- Must be something in the water!
- It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!
- Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient.
- If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant!
- Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!
- Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
- Are you afraid your partner might leave you because of your infertility?
- Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents!
- Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.
The worst statement to me personally, however, is this: Oh I understand exactly what you are feeling. *Insert ludicrous story about waiting 4 months to get pregnant here.*
Please please please if you are not infertile, never ever tell an infertile you understand. You don't. You may have had major loss in your life, but until you have walked a mile (or 20) in our shoes, you have no idea what it feels like. And honestly, we could all write a book just trying to put into words that which cannot be put into words. I am not trying to discount anyone else's pain. I am simply saying that infertility, in all it's various shapes and sizes, is a pain all it's own.
Although infertility is never truly gone from someone there are three ways people move on in their life.
1. They do get pregnant.
2. They adopt.
3. They live child free.
The infertility road is unique to each couple; do not assume you know what is best for them. That is best left up to the only One who knows the plan for their life.
I hope you feel more educated and not offended by this post. My friend Grace posted a while ago on this topic, and she may have a little more tact in explaining that me.