boat song

love.

If you were a boat, my darling

A boat, my darling

I'd be the wind at your back

If you were afraid, my darling

Afraid, my darling

I'd be the courage you lack

If you were a bird, then I'd be a tree

And you would come home, my darling, to me

If you were asleep, then I'd be a dream

Wherever you are, that's where my heart will be

Oh, do you know we belong together?

Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

If you were the ocean, I'd be the sand

If you were a song, I'd be the band

If you were the stars, then I'd be the moon

A light in the dark, my darling, for you

Oh, do you know we belong together?

Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

Oh, do you know we belong together?

Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

Oh, do you know we belong together?

Oh, do you know my heart is yours?

- JJ Heller

this really cool blog

Stop on over to my one and only's blog:

Everything Matters Today

He has really amped things up over there ;) Also, his may or may not be an indicator of the direction my little blog will be taking!

love for a lifetime

doppleganger

So I have never been told I look like any celebrity out there, ever.

Until the other day when Rachel left this:

So I did some googling and I think this is who she means:

Anjelah Johnson

To which I have to say...THANK YOU she is beautiful, but I'm not so sure of the resemblance ;) What do you think?

My husband is the real star of this post, however. He gets "you look like ________" all the time. His top two right now:

 

David Spade

Eric Foreman

But the other day a friend (who has never met my husband, I met him on my Honduras trip) asked if Eric had ever been in movies, because he look just like this guy:

Jack McBrayer

I think he is way better looking than any celebrity ;)

hot stuff!!!

this cute couple i know...

So my only regret about my wedding day is the fact that their are like 3 pictures of me and my husband together alone.

Yeah.

So my wonderfully talented friend Casey of Blissful Photography (who has been there for us from the beginning) is a budding photographer, and she took some amazingly beautiful shots of us the other day. Hey, it only took almost 5 years to get some pro photos!

Teaser:

Check some more of them out here!

(and hire her if you are in the SC area!!!)

happy birthday, my love

divided

Lately I have started to realize that I view my life in two parts: before we lost our child, and after we lost our child.

Everything in my world was shaken to the core. My ability to make decisions has gone out the window. I don't trust anything I say or do to be a part of God's plan for me.

You see, before our loss I was sure.
I was sure about adoption.
I was sure about a sibling group.
I was sure about going through foster care.
I was sure about being ok with not being pregnant, or having a biological child.
I was sure.

After our loss I have been uncertain.
I am uncertain that I want to adopt.
I am uncertain that I want a sibling group.
I am uncertain about going through foster care.
I am uncertain if I want to ever be pregnant again, or have a biological child.

Before and after.

I know that I am still grieving. And grief doesn't care about my capacity to make decisions and trust them. Grief doesn't set boundaries in time. Maybe my thoughts are irrational cast in the midst of this grief and pain. It doesn't make them any less my thoughts, does it? It doesn't change the fact that right now, in this moment, it's how I feel.

The truth is, my life is partitioned into two parts. I am just wrong about the event in which my life was divided.

My life should be split into before Christ, and after Christ.

I need to remember where I was before Jesus. I need daily reminders of what God saved me from: a life of misery and unhappiness and constant approval of others.

Before Christ
I was uncertain of who I was.
I was uncertain of what life was supposed to be about.
I was uncertain of my purpose.

After Christ
I was sure of my identity in Christ Jesus.
I was sure about what my life should be about.
I was sure of my purpose.

My life needs to stop revolving around my grief and start revolving around my God again. That doesn't mean I won't be sad or upset or downright angry when I think about what we have lost, what our marriage has gone through. I am not trying to minimize my pain or the pain of anyone else who has lost a child. I am trying to cling to the God that I know holds my future in his hands. I am trying to center my life around Jesus and not around my circumstances.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

We are selfish people by nature and I will fail at this goal on a daily basis, I know that going in. But God is bigger than my grief and my selfishness. He wants nothing more than to be the only thing I need, the only thing I desire.

“God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” - John Piper

to love

 
"To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." - David Viscott

quotes to live by

I have been compiling a list of quotes that really speak to my heart, and I hope they will to yours as well. Now, that being said, I frequently post scripture here. It's usually about something that God is dealing with in me or a verse that just pops in my head when I sit down to write. My disclaimer is that I believe with every fiber in me that the Bible is the book to live by - hands down.

However, I do believe God speaks through people now too. Friends/Neighbors/Coworkers/Random Cashiers say just the right thing at just the right time and they don't even know it! It's happened to me and I know it's happened to you too. Sometimes we don't even realize how God used them until hours or days later.

You are wondering why I am on my soapbox? It's because some of the quotes I am about to share are from non-believers. I don't think we should dismiss them merely because of that fact. No, they aren't found in scripture, but some of them contain biblical truths anyway. Remember we serve a big God! One that can use whoever he wants however he wants whenever he wants to speak to us!

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." - John Lennon

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." - Ingrid Bergman

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly." - Rose Franken

 "Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief." - Joseph Addison

"If you have nothing to say, say nothing." - Mark Twain 

"We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties." - Oswald Chambers 

"A good marriage is the union of two forgivers." - Ruth Graham

productive

So my man is gone to Costa Rica and boredom has set in. I have a new appreciation for stay at home moms and their lack of communication with big people. I have been talking to my dogs for the past 2 days and I am feeling a little crazy. I have 7 days left of this...I may be mental by the time he gets home. Oh remember that when he gets home I leave like not even 12 hours later for Honduras? Don't get me wrong, I am STOKED but this separation is proving to be harder than once imagined. So I have been bored. And then that boredom transformed into productivity. Would you like me to share all I have done in the past 36 hours? Well I am going to anyway.

• cleaned the kitchen
       - this included taking everything off the countertops and bleaching them and wiping every cabinet      
       - I also cleaned the coffee pot...it was long overdue
•  laundry
       - like 10 loads, no joke. Don't judge me for letting it pile up. Plus Eric won't isn't allowed to can't do laundry so it needs to be done before he gets home!
•  vacuumed every floor
• dusted every surface

I am in the process of brainstorming meals I can make/freeze so my love will have something to eat when he comes home and I leave! Otherwise my bank account will list one fast food restaurant after another...

Well that's all for now folks!

happy love day!

isn't he cute? my precious valentine!

Today is a day to celebrate the ones you love, married or not! Everyone loves someone and love makes the world go 'round. So does coke.

Happy Valentines Day!

he would

he would probably gloat when we found out she was a girl 

he would laugh and poke my belly when she kicked him for the first time

he would be drive entirely too fast to the hospital when it was time

he would be brave during labor and braver during delivery

he would hold her for the first time like she was the most breakable thing on the planet

he would love her fiercely

he would pretend to be grossed out the first time she peed on him

he would get up in the middle of the night just to see if she was ok

he would brag the day she could hold her head up on her own

he would be nervous and excited the first time she crawled...then walked...then ran

he would beam from ear to ear the first time she said "daddy"

he would love her unconditionally

he would pick her up and hold her tight every single time she cried

he would get defensive if someone else so much as looked at her cross-eyed

he would kiss her boo-boos

he would tuck her in at night and read stories

he would pray over her and with her and for her and about her

he would love her tenderly

he would worry about her

he would make sure she knew he would always be there

he would take all of her pain and fears away if he could

he would play with her for hours on end

he would teach her guitar one day

he would love her uncontrollably 

he would be a good dad...
and one day, God willing, he will get the chance.

virtual tag...

...less anxiety than real life tag!

Sweet Rachel at Once Upon A Miracle has tagged me in this little online game and I am ready and willing to play! It's kind of like 20 Questions...except there are only 19 and that bothers me a little. Anyway, she had questions, I have answers...

1. if you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family? 
Have you looked at my blog header lately? Or the left side of my blog? K, that answers that!

2. if you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Easy peasy - a house full of kids of all different colors!

3. what is the one thing most hated by you?
Spiders. Ughhhhh. Seriously I don't like to use the word hate but I H.A.T.E. them!

4. what would you do with a billion dollars? 
Alrighty here we go! First I would tithe 10% to my church. Then I would give 50% of what was left to charities such as Compassion International. Then I would pay off all of our debt! Finally - and most importantly - I would adopt about 1000 kids from every country in the world!

5. what helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Chocolate
Coffee
Eric
Maggie and Nebbie (sometimes they are the ones that put me in the bad mood to begin with, however!)
These are not necessarily in order ;)

6. which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? 
Tricky tricky! I believe both is the correct answer. I love to love Eric, and I love that he loves me back! But knowing Jesus loves me, well there aren't words to describe that.

7. what is your bedtime routine?
It varies...we go to bed pretty late most night but we are trying to break that habit because my darling husband has to get up at the butt-crack of dawn for his fancy-shmancy new job! We usually will play some wii together, then I retreat to the mac to fool around be productive blog and check email and then he drags my behind to bed around midnight usually...

8. if you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner? 
Awww tender! Well clearly I am married, happily for 4.5 years now! We met at a mutual friends birthday dinner when I was just 15 years old.

9. if you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? 
I'm a little obsessed with music, especially indie christian bands. My new fave right now is Deas Vail, and I'd love to be a fly on the wall during a studio session!

10. what kinds of books do you read? 
I love to read, I just don't get to do it as often as I'd like. My friend Taylor has reintroduced me to the world of fiction again! And I covet her Nuk...big time. I love Francis Chan and John Piper and Beth Moore though too.

11. how would you see yourself in ten years time?
Well like I've said before, Eric and I want a whole buncha kids! So hopefully surrounded by them somewhere...maybe living in Costa Rica? ;)

12. what’s your fear?
Ok this one is deep. Sorry guys but I usually just write what pops into my head as I sit down and this is what happened to pop in. I am afraid of never being called "mom." I know you may think that's silly and irrational but I am truly scared of it. I know many wonderful and Godly women who are called to a life of just them and their husband, but I know God has called me to be a mother. I am just afraid I will never attain that calling. Sounds silly now that I have written it...

13. would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
Heck no. Notevenkidding.

14. would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
Well considering we are already proud members of the "married and poor" team, I'll stick with that.  Although I use "poor" lightly as I know we are wealthier than 90% of the world we live in.

15. what’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Stumble to the coffee pot...

16. if you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
Not a dern thing! I knew what I was getting in to when I married him ;)

17. if you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
Princess Consuela Bananahammock (1000 reach in, out, up points for whoever can name what that is from first!) 

18. would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Jesus tells me to so I'd love to say "yes absolutely" but I know me and my stinky humanness...

19. if you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
Nutella. I am super obsessed at the moment. Ask me tomorrow and this could change! What can I say? I am nothing if not fickle. 


Ok since I am such a super fast virtual runner and all...I tag:

Denine @ Ever Wonder
Jen @ Discovering Joy in the Storm
Mrs. Irons @ Project Open Hearts
Ange @ Rejoice with Joy
C.C. @ His Heart
Penelope @ Foster 2 Forever
Kavitha @ Chicken Curry n' Apple Pie

And anyone else who wants to play along!

                  

mbm - exponentially increased faith

Click here to learn more about MBM!

 Read this post first, if you haven't already and don't know about Eric's job loss.

What I am about to share with you is overdue, but it has honestly taken me this long to process it all. This is the story of two unsuspecting people, one significant life situation, and one very big very loving God.

Eric has a job.

But not just any job that had to take to make ends meet. He has a job that he is planning his career around, that exceeds our financial needs, that he loves more than me and bacon on most days, that is owned and operated by Christian men, and the list could s-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y go on. Let me break it down for you this way (bear in mind the state of our economy and the fact that many many many people in the US have downgraded from career-search, to job-search, to whateverpaysthebills-search)

- Eric was "unemployed" for approximately 3 weeks.
- I say "unemployed" because our church hired him to do odd jobs the day after he was fired.
- In the span of those 3 short weeks he had 5 interviews.
- He had not one but 2 job offers.
- Both were for significantly more salary than his previous job.
- Our bank account didn't dwindle away or even stay the same during his unemployment, it grew.
- The company (Merge) that he decided on is absolutely amazing and I have never seen my husband happier.
- Did I mention that this company sought him out?
- Oh and that he was hired the week of Christmas?
- Ohhhh yeah and that this company's first mission statement is, and I quote,

"We exist to glorify God. We believe God is above all else and is worthy of all praise and can and should be glorified through work. We believe He is the reason Merge exists, is sustained, and prospers."

Ummmm, hello? I just don't know how any one in the entire world could EVER chalk each and every one of those bullet points up to "fate" or "the universes aligning" or whatever other cop outs reasons people come up with to deny the one true living God!

Our God is big!

He is gracious!

He is a provider!

He is able to do exceedingly abudantly above our wildest imaginations!

He takes care of his children in their times of need!

I am still in shock. And you may not believe this next part, but I won't lie to you I promise. 

I never once panicked. Ok, for about an hour after Eric called me with the bad news I did, but during the rest of the three weeks I didn't. I had this insane peace (you know, the one that passes all understanding?) the whole time. (I can't speak for my darling husband on this, however.) I always knew God would come through, that he would provide. That doesn't mean I wasn't worried or afraid at times, but it does mean that I was willing and ready to give him the glory from day one and now I CAN! I just didn't know he would show up in such a miraculous way. 

Friends, I hope our story can impact/encourage you the way it did for us. If HE is for us WHO could be against us?

pretty white stuff

We don't get a whole lot of this powdery, cold, white, floating stuff we all know to be snow. It's a treat where we live, mostly because it forces people to stay home and enjoy family. Which is exactly my gorgeous love and I are doing today with our two fur children. You will not see Maggie in any of the gratuitous pictures below, however, because if you were to read her title to the left you would realize that she is spending the day curled up on the couch being lazy. It's basically the only thing she is good for.

 

pssssssssss - there is still time to enter the great giveaway!

thankful

Today I am choosing to be thankful. I believe thankfulness is a choice we must make on a daily basis. Like choosing to get out of bed or choosing to eat that brownie or choosing to love the unlovable.

Today I am thankful for:

•  My all-powerful, all-knowing, omnipotent, omnipresent, compasionate, loving, forgiving and grace-giving God. 
•  My amazingly wonderful, loves me in spite of my *insert slew of negative characteristics here* Godly husband. 
•  My ever supportive friends and family. 
•  My amazing Bible-based church that just celebrated it's 10 year anniversary!
•  A roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, a car that runs. 
•  A job that I love and look forward to daily. 
• An opportunity to go on a mission trip to Honduras (I'll update on this soon!)
•  A chance to be a mom some day. 

"Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" - Ephesians 5:20 

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!"- Psalm 107:1

lead me

I mentioned earlier that I think the Christian church is seriously lacking in strong male leaders, particularly in the husband department. Below is a song by Sanctus Real singing about just that. The other video is the story about the song. Couples are going to go through hard times, it's how we deal with our problems in marriage that either makes a marriage flourish or fail. Husbands are called to be the head of the home spiritually.

"Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." - Genesis 3:16b

"When it says, 'Your desire shall be for your husband,' it means that when sin has the upper hand in woman she will desire to overpower or subdue or exploit man. And when sin has the upper hand in man he will respond in like manner and with his strength subdue her, or rule over her." - John Piper (Manhood and Womanhood: Confusion After the Fall)

I don't think it could be more clearly spelled out for us than in Ephesians...

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." - Ephesians 5:25-33

 Men, this is big calling, and I don't envy you at all for this. Which is why I am a woman ;)



The story behind the song (the full story here, but I can't embed it):

courageous

Below is a trailer for Sherwood's next movie. I am excited for another Christian film to be hitting the big screens, but I have some mixed emotions. This movie is all about what God calls a father to be. I think the modern church is seriously lacking in men being the spiritual leaders of their households and I am beyond excited that Sherwood is addressing this issue head on.

However, my husband, who is one of the Godliest men I know, is not yet a father. He will be, God has promised us that, but it may or may not be by the time this movie comes out. Regardless, we will see this movie and we will suggest it to our non-Christian friends as well. I'm sure the message in this movie will be applicable to many different walks of life.

Eric, you will be an amazing, Godly, and loving father one day. God designed you to be a dad. It is woven into every fiber of your being.

4 years

It's been four years babe! Happy Anniversary!

Filled with laughter and tears,
good times and bad,
inside jokes and embarrassing moments,
hope and heartache,
love and more love.

I wouldn't trade a minute of it for the world. I love you more than my words can express.

This is the song that was sung at our wedding:

happiness is...

...sleeping late on the weekends we have nothing to do.