So a disturbing thought has recently started taking up residence in my brain. I really try hard to put it out of my mind, or I just stop whatever I am doing and pray. It started about a week after we turned in our paperwork.
I was sitting in my car waiting for a red light to change and I started imagining my kids. (I realized that based on the fact that we will take a child(ren) up to age 3, they are already walking this earth and not growing in their birth mother's belly, most likely.) I do this a lot, I am not sure why? Every time I imagine them I see specifics. There are always two of them (we said we would take a sibling group), opposite sexes, and they are either black or mixed (very likely based on the statistics of kids in foster care in SC). Now I don't think this is necessarily a "vision from God" or anything, I don't read much into at all, I just picture it like that. A tangible way to experience my kids. Anyway, I was daydreaming about my future children when the thought entered my mind:
"I hope they have eaten today."
Well one thought is all it took for my mind to run rampant with all the possibilities...
"Did they eat today?"
"Did someone hug them?"
"Are they being loved?"
"Are they cold/hot?"
"What did they see or experience in their little lives today?"
And then I started to break down, thinking of all the hurts that they could experience in just one day. Everyday that I was not with them was another day they could be hurt. I was crying and praying when the worst thought entered my mind: "They must go through these things before they could ever become yours."
And it's true. DSS would have no reason to take a perfectly happy, non-abused child from his/her home. No, we will be getting what most people consider "damaged goods." My child(ren) will suffer in some way, shape, or form before they ever step foot in my house. It could have happened today. It could happen again tomorrow. It could continue right up until the day DSS decides enough is enough.
And that is the day we will get our phone call.
Please join me in prayer for protection of these precious children. Not only the ones God has ordained to be ours, but all of those in or destined to be in foster care one day.
We love and are praying for you both. You guys are going to make great parents. Thanks for the post. Its funny how a little thought can go such a long way and how God uses that to see the need of others.
ReplyDeleteMatt and Sarah Dorn
nice to meet you :)
ReplyDeleteall I can think is "me too." i think those things often, when we got our first placement I was so excited I didn't even think about how scary all this is for them. by the time I got my 3rd placement (i knew about her for a week or two) i prayed from her often because I knew a day that I would be excited about would be a very hard one for her.
i am excited to read more of your story, we have a similar beginning in foster care. we decided to foster to adopt and decided on 0-3 years old, any race, sib group up to 3...
we have been doing this for 16 months now...i guess the rest is written out on my blog.
by the way, don't be surprised if what you are "seeing" in your head comes to be...i have had a "feeling" about every child i have gotten before i ever got a call. in never matches up exactly but i get a feeling about gender, race & age. :) God is so good to place a love in my heart for them before I ever meet them.
Remember -- God loves them more than you (and we) ever will! I have had to sit on that lesson a lot lately as little Betty is way in Uganda, with HIV, and without a mommy to kiss her boo-boos. Even when she's suffering, God is there. And, isn't it cool how God is growing your heart for these children you don't even know yet? I LOVE how He does that. Amen!
ReplyDeleteLord protect them and bring them safely home soon.